


The Adventures of Classic Frigate and His Younger Cousin (Guest Starring Biostratigraphic Centrilizations)

by your_cia_agent



Category: In the Heights - Miranda/Hudes
Genre: i'm bad at tagging and summaries, just a fun lil thing i found in my google drive and finished, livin that meme life at the end, yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 00:44:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20398891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_cia_agent/pseuds/your_cia_agent
Summary: Sonny finds out the origins of Usnavi's name.





	The Adventures of Classic Frigate and His Younger Cousin (Guest Starring Biostratigraphic Centrilizations)

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote the first part of this in January and i found it today so i was Legally Obligated to finish it. sorry if there's a weird style jolt between then and now. but yeah this was an Idea that i had and wrote down only for it to disappear into my google drive for 7 months. yayyyyyyyyy
> 
> EDIT- 12/25/2019: i changed the rating to gen because i don’t feel it’s too bad, but there are a few curses in here.

Business was slow on Sunday afternoons. Sonny and Usnavi inevitably ended up talking about strange topics during the 1-2 hour break from the flow of customers. On this particular day, the subject of Usnavi’s name came up.

Which was where Usnavi made what he would (at least for the next week) call the biggest mistake of his life.

“Usnavi. Not a very common name. There’s gotta be at least some story behind that,” Sonny said around his questionably flavored slushie.

“It’s not that uncommon, you know.”

Sonny pulled out his phone and typed something into it. A moment later, he showed it to Usnavi. The screen announced that there were “fewer than 1,644 people in the U.S. with the first name Usnavi”.

“As I said, not a very common name. Now, spill the secret.”

“Fine,” Usnavi groaned. “My parents saw it on a ship when they were crossing over to America. Except they didn’t know a lot of English at the time and it actually said ‘U.S. Navy’. When I was born it was misspelled with an ‘i’ because who in their right mind would want to name their kid ‘U.S. Navy’?”

Sonny choked on his slushie.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“My parents saw a Navy ship and thought ‘hey, we should name the baby that’ because of their limited English capabilities.”

It was at that moment Usnavi realized he fucked up.

Sonny was laughing his ass off with his head on the counter.

“Oh. My. God. That is so much better than anything I expected,” he managed after about two minutes.

“Can I get a Pepsi?” Carla said, walking into the bodega.

Usnavi began to across the store from the window he had been cleaning.

“You can keep doing that, y’know. It is perfectly within my abilities to grab a soda out of the refrigerator, U.S. Navy.”

The first taste of Usnavi’s personal hell.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sonny, you’re late. Again,” Usnavi said.

“Shoulda woken me up with your boat horn,” Sonny replied. “I’m like 83% sure that’s a thing that exists.”

“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?” Usnavi said resignedly. 

“Nope. Get used to it, cap’n. I’m going to do some research tonight so I can do this properly.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, Aircraft Carrier—” 

“Alright, this has to stop,” Usnavi interrupted. “If you call me ‘Amphibious Assault Ship’ or ‘Attack Submarine’ or, God forbid, “Classic Frigate” one more time, I’m going to fire you.”

“Fine, Technical Research Ship. Although the Navy only has one actively commissioned one and it’s possessed by North Korea, so I don’t know if that one counts,” Sonny said. “It’s the USS Pueblo, and it’s really old. But not as old as the classic frigate one, that’s the USS Constitution, it was commissioned in 1797, and it’s the oldest vessel in the Usnavi.”

“Ha, ha. Did you learn all these ships just so you could make fun of me?” Usnavi asked.

“No…” 

“If you call me by any ship name or type again, you’re going to regret it,” Usnavi said.

“But I didn’t even get to use “Ballistic Missile Submarine” which is super badass by the way, or “Patrol Boat”, or “Destroyer”, or—”

“Nope,” Usnavi said, cutting Sonny off again. 

“Well, shit,” Sonny said. “Now what am I supposed to do with all this knowledge that I gained from Wikipedia last night at 2 a.m.?”

“You’re too dedicated to this.” Usnavi said exasperatedly.

“Anything for you, cuz,” Sonny shot back. “But I do expect some sort of payment.”

“. . . You know what Benny’s full name is?”

“Is it not Benjamin?” Sonny asked.

“It’s Benedict.” Usnavi said.

A slow grin spread across Sonny’s face. “You mean to tell me that Benny has the same name as Benadryl Crampelsnootch?”

“Sorry, who?” 

“I see you are untrained in the meme art,” Sonny said. “Benedict Cumberbatch.”

“Oh. Yes. Yes, he does. No go unleash that knowledge into the world,” Usnavi said, smirking slightly.

“I can’t wait for Bumblebee Cookiebatch to get in here.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s up, Biostratigraphy Cannibalization?” Sonny asked as the bell above the door rang.

“The hell does tha— you told him,” Benny grumbled to Usnavi.

“Indeed he did, Businesspersons Civilization. Indeed he did,” said Sonny smugly

“In my defense, he kept calling me types of ships and it was the only way I could make him stop.”

“Okay, well, the funny thing is, now I’m accidentally invested in Navy ships. So, Mine Countermeasures Ship, you have just unleashed a monster and, as a bonus, given me some material on Bibliotherapies Circumnavigated here.”

“Usnavi, what have you done,” Benny said. “Now the kid is going to kill everyone at Scrabble too.”

**Author's Note:**

> much like sonny, i am now accidentally invested in naval vessels. although to be fair, who can read about things called "destroyer" and "ballistic missile submarine" and not feel a primal urge to Learn More.
> 
> also i saw the uss constitution on a school trip to boston and it's Really Hecking Cool.
> 
> anyway thx for sticking around this long 
> 
> especially with my Not Very Good beginning
> 
> if you wanna check me out on tumblr, i'm @your-cia-agent, but there is a whole amount of No theme to my blog and i mostly just reblog stuff. 
> 
> stay snazzy ladies, lads, and nonbinary mousepads
> 
> EDIT- 12/25/2019: i love that this has gotten so much more attention now that the ith movie trailer is out
> 
> i went back and reread this and i don’t totally hate it??? i have no memory of writing 91% of this though. i almost died laughing seeing “stay snazzy ladies, lads, and nonbinary mousepads” up there. 3AM me is interesting. 
> 
> happy whatever you celebrate at this time of year and thanks for checking this out!


End file.
